Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Lo siento on account of my penis...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
