$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
