Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
