Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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