so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
