You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
