I just pynch a tree in the face
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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