you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
