the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
