i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
