I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
