she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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