non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Farmville is her only friend.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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