How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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