This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
