I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
