i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
