I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
