Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
3pm strippers are depressing
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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