plz talk dirty to me
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
