he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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