You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
