Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
