We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
