make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
