I got chris browned last night
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
