The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
