There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
