Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
