feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
