I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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