I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
