am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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