I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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