Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
