not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
