Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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