1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I supernannyed him into submission
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
