sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
