is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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