I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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