I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize