im drinking this country out of the recession.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
