I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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