He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
