If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
