Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
