One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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