So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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