Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
its not stalking. its research.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
