I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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