He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There's always time for handjobs
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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