Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
