Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
