he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
