Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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