Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
