Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
