Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
