My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
its liver damage thursday
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
