So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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