Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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