My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
