it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
