i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
