i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
