Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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