i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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