I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
