im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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