she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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