you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
