what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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