If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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