i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
