So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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