Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My life is pants optional.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
