I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize