I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
