I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
