I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
