i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
