it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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