Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
