I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
