i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she looked like the before picture.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
